“…once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.”
~Proverbs 24:12

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Where my story begins

I created “A Quiver of Blessings” (see Psalm 127:3-5) to be an account of our new journey into parenthood, and raising a Christian family in a secular world. Things don’t always turn out the way we planned… Here I am—more than two years later—with my very first real post. I wish my reason “why” wasn’t so heartbreaking…

The idea originated when my husband, Derek, and I began discussing starting a family. We had been married a little more than a year but recent events made us realize how short life could be (you can bet there’ll be more on that in posts to come). We knew having a family was meant to be in our future; and honestly, we were credulously confident we would be exceptional parents. We were a strong Christian couple who had battled several storms together and each time came out with a greater faith and trust in the Lord. We would take care of God’s little child and do our very best to raise him/her in accordance to His Will. Frankly, we would be awesome parents.

So I created my blog in January of 2007 to be ready to capture our journey.

And then…


About a year and a half of nothing.

We began seriously trying to conceive (TTC) in October of 2007. We talked with married friends of ours and planned our pregnancies together; we wrote lists of potential baby names; we started thinking about in which school districts we’d want to live; we sketched a floor plan and color scheme for the nursery (okay, maybe that was just me…) By November, 2008, we found ourselves with the same lists, the same empty room, but one of the few couples in our circle of friends still childless. We let ourselves realize then that something was “up.”

I made an appointment with my OB/GYN. I went expecting not-so-great-news. I left with a red “I” upon my chest. Hello, my name is Kat and I’m infertile.

Sure, that’s bad news. Yeah, I was bummed. But there’s so much that can be done, right? Medicine has come so far. There are so many options available. Surely it would just take us a few more months to conceive. Our child will still be in the same grade as our friends’ children. If we could only “just relax.”


I had no idea it would be this hard. How could I? How can anyone who hasn’t gone through the heartbreak after heartbreak, month after month, of realizing now is just not the time? That you feel your body is broken? That it puts a strain on a marriage unlike anything one expects? That you feel so alone…? You can’t. No one can. Not until you live it.

And so, that’s what we’re doing. We’re living it. We’re right in the midst of blood tests, ultrasounds, hormone therapy, laparoscopies, etc. And no matter how many times I’ve tried to convince myself to keep our journey to ourselves, God’s been telling me to write. To live this out loud. There are other people who have been down this road. I don’t have to feel alone. There are other people who are just starting down this road. Don’t let them feel alone. There are other people who will journey down this road. Prepare yourself to witness to them.

And so begins my blog.


D said...

Thanks Darling for stepping out in Faith and starting this blog. You have incredible Faith and you challenge me everyday to love the Lord like do!

Emily said...

Thank you for sharing your story! I have found blogging to be a wonderful outlet & source of support. Speaking of, thanks for reading & leaving a comment. Wishing you luck on your journey to parenthood!

Dana said...

My heart broke as I read this..I have been right there..and the tears, sadness, anger, hurt is something we know all too well...:(..We were finally given our miracle after many many pains...and now you are on your way to your miracle..just in a different way then ours!

Every child is a miracle though..no matter how they come to be in your family!..How blessed you are!


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