“…once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.”
~Proverbs 24:12

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Preheating Malfunctions

So, before I continue with my meandering thoughts on infertility and all that comes with it, I figured I’d give a little more background. As I posted earlier, we’re in the beginning stages of finding our way along the winding and foggy path that is infertility.

I’ve been referred to a fertility clinic, as my OB/GYN doesn’t think there is too much more she can do after having received my husband’s test results. However, since insurance will not cover a penny of fertility treatment, we’re taking it slow.

The first bloodwork I had showed an extremely low progesterone level, probably indicating I wasn’t ovulating. An ultrasound didn’t send up any big red flags, though things weren’t exactly as they should be. I was put on progesterone treatment in hope that I would become more “regular.” Seemed to work… the first month. The next month my bloodwork did show that I may have ovulated. Yay! But wait… then we got my husband’s results. Good testosterone levels, low sperm count, very low motility—not a complete infertility trifecta, but still not the news we were hoping.

So, while numerous friends have buns in the ovens, we can’t even get ours to preheat!

Some days are better than others. My soul honestly yearns to be more like Paul in dealing with struggles. I try to take comfort in knowing God’s grace is sufficient. That when I am weak, then I am strong. But sometimes the conversations of pregnant baby flutters, the monthly letdowns, the bleak test results… they get to be very hard to bear.

While the blog seems rather gloomy thus far, I really have been doing well. :) I have complete faith that we are meant to be parents and that God is preparing us to be amazing parents, helping to bring about His will in this world. We’re just trying to get an understanding of how we’re supposed to go about doing that. Whether it’s IUI, IVF, adoption, miraculous natural conception, or what have you, I have the utmost faith that His plan is better than anything I could imagine. Until then, I’m working on leaving the worrying, heart-aching and unsettling at His feet


Emily said...

Thank you for the sweet comment! I am so glad you are getting some answers. We did not have any insurance coverage when we first began this journey either. My husband spoke with the CEO of his company, gave him some stats and they were able to add it into the plan the following year, so you never know how things will turn out!
Wishing you luck on your journey!

LOVE your blog layout :)

Kat said...

You're so sweet Emily! Thank you!!

E said...

From your posts, I can see that you are a strong and amazing woman. Having been down the infertility road myself (quite a long and windy one, I might add), I just know that you will make it through...no matter where your journey takes you to be parents. I want to wish you the very best of luck and I hope that your dreams come true soon!


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