Boo!

Happy Halloween, friends!

Every year since I've moved to Tennessee, Derek and I have participated in our church's "Trunk-or-Treat." It's always a blast and a good time to be silly with our friends.

This year I'm sure I'll be thinking of what future Trunk-or-Treats will be like with our kiddos. Derek and I have talked recently about what B and C would be this year if we had them here. We can just picture our little ones in adorable costumes (him as a pumpkin and her as a little monkey... don't ask me why, that's just what I picture).

In the meantime... I'm still missing them like crazy.

ADOPT T-Shirts

принять
"Pree-nyet"

I designed T-shirts and—with the help of a good friend who is much more talented with computer graphics than I am—had them printed. I started with an order of 50 and have sold almost 15 already! We still have sizes small, medium and large available. Please let me know if you would like to purchase one for $15.

The Cyrillic word shown below the matryoshka dolls is Russian for "Adopt." Below that is Matthew 18:5 - And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

Thank you for considering to support our adoption in this way.

Checking In

I'm short on time and feel even shorter on brain function. It has been... *deep breath* ...a truly AMAZING few days. With the absolutely miraculous success of our yard sale (thanks to so many of you), the overwhelming joy I felt with my loving friends at our "babies" shower, and—most recently—the wonderful news of my Dad's continued health even after three prior diagnoses of liver cancer, I have experienced some of the most amazing days of my life. God has been all over it, and it's awesome.


But... *another deep breath* ...I'm a little overwhelmed.


A friend of mine was talking to me about my blog tonight. She said that she just loved following along and really felt that my writing was a true window into all that we're experiencing. At first, I thought she was talking about our time in Russia. But the post she referred to was my most recent one—probably the one I've been the most nervous to share. So... I suppose it's time to be raw again...


While I am experiencing all these TRULY AMAZING blessings, I'm struggling a little. Two weeks ago I met our breathtakingly beautiful children. My life has since forever changed.


A little more than a week ago, I had to leave them...


I came back to the biggest yard sale ever, the resulting clutter that remained and disorganization, a thoughtful shower, a huge work deadline (or two, or three...) To put it lightly, I've been busy. But now... now, it's starting to catch up to me. I miss our B and C. I wish we didn't have to leave them. I wish B would be able to celebrate his second birthday next week with his parents by his side. I wish C would have us to smother her neck with kisses. I wish I was freezing my behind off in Russia. I wish I was with them...


*sigh*


So... that's what's been going on in my head the last few days. Don't get me wrong, I'm so unbelievably beyond grateful for all the many blessings. But... I just miss our kiddos...

Different Perspective

I'm going to be honest. I am so indescribably thankful to everyone who has donated items or money for our yard sale and to help us bring our children home… but this outpouring of love has been difficult for me to receive.


Truth be told, I didn’t have many friends in school. In eighth grade, I was the tall, lanky girl who had to sit at the edge of the lunch table by herself and was made fun of for being so skinny. Yeah, yeah, I know… You can hear the violin playing. But I’m not writing this for pity. Since then, for whatever reason, I have struggled with accepting love and assistance from friends.

I called my mom today to tell her about all the new items that were left in or just outside of our garage and explained to her how I felt. “I’m so undeserving of all of this. So unworthy of all this love,” I said. That’s not the right attitude—I know that and she reminded me of it. She proceeded to tell me how meaningful it was to her that people are reaching out to her daughter like this. The sacrificial love that everyone is showing is just so amazing.

And then it hit me and my perception changed.

All of this—the donated items, the gifts, the encouragement, the time and effort, the excitement—it’s all really for…my children. This love is for my children! And this new mother’s heart is so thankful that people are loving B and C before ever meeting them. It’s not about feeling deserving or not, it’s about being able to witness the love our extended family (read: our friends) is anxiously bestowing upon our kiddos. I’ve never experienced a feeling like this before. I’m praising God for all of this, there is no doubt!

Back to "Normal"

Today was my first day back to work since our trip...and since becoming a Mommy. Someone asked me what it was like to be back to my "normal" life here in Tennessee. While it's what I've known for the past few years, there just is nothing "normal" about it. Not anymore.

Being apart from our children just doesn't feel right. Even though we spent only a few hours each day with them for just six days, being with them fells like how things should always be. It feels unnatural not to be with B and C. But, despite all that, I know we are following God's path and all of this is supposed to be happening. There's a reason we have been chosen to become a family through the unique blessing of adoption, and there must be a reason for this waiting.

We showed some videos and pictures to Derek's parents today. Seeing their adorable smiles and beautiful dark, expressive eyes on the videos melts my heart and makes it ache at the same. Gosh, I miss them so much. *deep breath* We'll be together soon... I pray sooner than estimated.

On another note, preparations for the yard sale are going better than I could ever imagine! We literally have thousands of items that have been donated. I'm completely blown away by the outpouring of love and support. I will never be able to thank those of you who have donated to us enough.

Please spread the word! We would love a great turn out to help us raise some money.