I'm NOT Praying For Moms Today

Nope. They aren't on my prayer radar. Not today.

Sure, they're (we're!) pretty awesome and all... We give baths, wipe snotty noses (and other areas I won't mention), kiss boo-boos, pick up toys, pick up toys and pick up toys. But today my heart is focused on a different group of women. The waiting-moms-to-be.

I was there once. I felt the emptiness, the void, that seemed to be roped around my heart on Mother's Days--any day for that matter... I felt the helplessness that comes when you yearn for something so greatly, but know no amount of will or action of your own could make it so. I felt the isolation from friends who just "didn't know what to say," so said nothing at all. I felt hopeless. I felt frustrated. I felt broken.

I waited what seemed like ages until we finally had our children in our arms. I thank God so often that what seemed like an eternity, was only just over 3 years. Looking back, and knowing what I know now, we had it easy.

Once we accepted God's call for us to adopt, the weight was lifted. Actually, it evaporated. My husband and I now hope that it is God's will for us never to have biological children, but to adopt again. But there are so many of my dear friends who are still in this cycle of frustration, helplessness and pain. There are so many waiting to hold their children in their arms, however they come to be--be it through adoption or birth.

To them, and to the rest, you are not alone.

There are many who are praying for you on this particular day. There are many of us who think about how shout-outs on the radio, cheesey Sunday afternoon movies and Mother's Day sermons affect you today... So many of us love you and support you, even if we've never met.

We pray for you. We pray for your children to be. We pray for the preparation He is doing in you to be AMAZING mothers. Mothers whose compassion is unparalleled because of the hard journey you are now on.

God has great plans for you. There is no doubt. And as you wait to see these plans come to life, we will be there holding your hand, waiting for test results, waiting for a referral, waiting to hear His will for your family, and on our knees in prayer for you.

And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. Philippians 1:6

Happy Birth Mother's Day!

I recently tip-toed into the world of Twitter. I can't say it's been life-changing, but being able to connect with people with whom I share common interests and goals has been very motivating for me. God has planted some faith-testing seeds in the last few months--I hope to share more soon!--and communicating with these people whom I would otherwise not be able to has ignited in me a more ravenous fervor to keep moving forward!

Adoption is definitely one of the trending topics I've been following. A fellow adoptive mom reminded me that today is Birth Mother's Day. A reverent and important day for us, to be sure. I think about and pray for B and C's birth mother often. Sometimes questions pop in my head... "Does she think of them?" "Is she still in Russia?" But mostly I pray. I pray that God soothes her heart. I pray she is safe. I pray prayers of thanksgiving for the courageous decisions that she made.

I have no idea if she still pains over giving up these two amazing children. We may never know. But we will never forget her. She gave not only my husband and me the most amazing gift anyone could ever give, she did the same for her children--an unconditional, loving forever family.

Our family story was birthed from loss. The loss felt by a birth mother after leaving her two children in a Russian hospital. The loss felt by helpless newborns over not being nurtured by a mother. But from that loss came a miraculous, redemptive blessing. The blessing of adoption.

Funny how, in hindsight, so many blessings come from past loss and pain. God never makes mistakes. We do. But God is there, offering His sustaining grace until we are ready to accept the blessings He has in store for us.

To B and C's birth mother - we can never thank you enough. Though we may never know the specific why's and how's of your decision to leave your children, I can only assume that it was a very courageous and honorable decision. Proverbs 31:29 says, "There are many noble women in the world, but you surpass them all."

We've Come a Long Way, Baby!

It was a year and a week ago that we landed at the cold, concrete-walled St. Petersburg airport. Walking through clouds of cigarette smoke while our tummies were in knots over simply knowing we were finally in the same city as our children, we knew we were in for the experience of our lives. And boy, were we!

After going through immigration one by one and picking up our bags, we made our way out the gate and into the crowded airport foyer to look for our driver. Andrei! Andrei? Andrei....? It turned out he was given the wrong flight information from our agency and wasn't expecting to pick us up for another hour. Needless to say, our first 45 minutes on Russia soil were a little nerve-wracking!

But! We had our babies to look forward to. We settled in to our hotel (THE best hotel in the world, I will now proclaim, thanks to their phenomenal service) took a look out the windows and took it all in.

(Notice D's lack of facial hair!)

We were so anxious to get to sleep, knowing the next day we would finally be able to hold our babies. Finally be able to tell them that they are so loved. Finally be able to have our family together for the very first time. We opened up our laptop and took a look at the pictures of our kiddos which we had found via Russia's online orphan database.

We've never shared these photos outside of our family, so this is a first. These are the earliest photos we will ever have of our babies:

Alim (Bennett) pictured in his orphanage, no more than 15 months old

Nargiza (Celia) pictures in her orphanage, no more than 3 months old

Beautiful even back then, weren't they? Gosh, we're so blessed to be their Mama and Papa!

My New Favorite Thing

Since we've been home, it seems like I have a new favorite thing every few days—most of which have to do with my two adorable kiddos.



Smiles,

Hugs,

kisses,

funny faces, 

giggles,

snorts,

giggling snorts...

But my favorite as of late...? Bennett making Celia laugh. I've seen people make Celia giggle, and even I can get a good hearty laugh every once in a while, but NO ONE makes Celia belly-laugh like Bennett. No one. Sometimes all it takes is B looking at his sister with joy in his eyes from his car seat. Sometimes it's a cat and mouse game. Sometimes it's him peering over his crib playing peek-a-boo with his sister across the room. (Thank you Sloane for our video monitors!) Whatever it is, I can't even begin to explain what this sweet connection means to me. My late brother was my closest friend and I shared with him a relationship unlike any I've ever had. It literally brings tears to my eyes seeing that same connection between Bennett and Celia—brother and sister brought together just several months ago.

Beep... Beep.... Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

That's the sound of my pitiful blog flatlining. It's been two months and I've failed to check in. I'm sorry friends. I have excuses up the whazoo, but the truth is I've just been putting it off.

At first, it was because I felt God calling me to resign from my office job and I wasn't ready to share that information with the world wide web until it became official in March. I can actually say it's been THE best decision I've made as a mother. Not only do I get to spend all my time loving on these two babies who are so new to the concept of family love, but I get to give the best of me to my family. No longer am I drained from a day of stressors and other things, coming home with little left of me. I now allow myself to be uplifted by people and situations around me and I'm revelling in it!

Once my resignation date came into effect, I kept telling myself, "Tomorrow. I'll get to the blog tomorrow..." A week or so of that, and I just didn't even know where to begin anymore.

The other day, as I was in the shower--one of the few times of day I get to take a minute and think in silence--I realized that I was not only letting myself (and possibly my readers) down by not writing, I'm letting my kids down. After we returned from Russia, I used my blog as a journal, chronicling family firsts and other memorable moments. I haven't done that in several weeks now. I owe it to my children to keep track of these special first few months. They have no written record of the first year, two years of their life. I want to make up for that.

So... I truly want to get back into the habit of blogging. I hope you'll see more of me...